Dear Mama-To-Be, I’m not who you think I am….

Posted by: on Dec 20, 2018 | No Comments

Dear mama-to-be,

When you first contacted me, you came with shattered dreams and a broken heart from a time before when you lost faith in your body, and lost faith in the system that was supposed to help you do this wild crazy birth thing.

Some of you have white or pink silken lines painted on your tummy, which were not there before you had your babes. Others have scars of a different kind, the sort that come to you as flashbacks, memories of a painful time, or painful times before.
You say you want a warrior who will fight for you, defend you, and keep away the beasts.

What I actually do, is fight with words, mostly on my keyboard, as a writer of letters, to key people in the birth world who can make change happen – if they choose to open their hearts to it. I try to petition and win hearts and minds with words – sometimes it falls on deaf ears.

I want you to know that from the first time we meet, you take up residence in my heart and head. I make a camp there for you, a red tent of sorts. I light the candles and tend the hearth. There you will find fluffy blankets, a listening ear, and books. Lots and lots of books.

You see, you think you are hiring a professional to hold your hand and rub your back when it hurts in labour, but for me, it goes deeper than that. The real work I do happens in the months, weeks and sometimes just days before.

The REAL work is in the love and the preparing for an event that is an unknown entity. I invite you to go on a journey exploring the landscape of birth options before the day comes. I try to entice you with books and stories which show you the ways that others have carved their own pathways, and found their courage, navigating complex systems made up of allies and obstacle-putters. I hold up a bright lantern and show you many paths, knowing only you can choose to walk down those pathways – I cannot walk for you.

After all you’ve been through already, I agonise with you, wondering if, on the day, you will receive care with strings attached… or whether the support will be unconditional. It can be hard for you to own this truth but I must tell you that the only person who can choose whether to yield, dig your heels in, or slink creatively out of a situation that’s not right for you….is you. It’s you who has the last word on what happens…. even if you are making the best choice out of a crappy bunch of options.

I try so hard to help you understand that you have more power than you think in a system that gives off mixed messages of power and control. To point you to allies. Role models. Pioneers.

In my own way, I try to help you bring balance to the different elements that hold you back from standing fully in your *own* power, to find your *own* voice, and to find your *own* coeurage. I cannot be *your* voice, I cannot be *your* coeurage. Your journey is your journey – I am here as a witness to where you are at right now and to hold your hand lovingly throughout.

My role is to help you realise you have had the power all along. That it is you who holds the key to your own enlightenment. That you have access to unimaginable strength deep in your core that you perhaps just needed reminding that you have. I shine a light on you, to show you what you forgot.

And if I’ve done my job properly, then on the day, you shouldn’t even really need me at all, except to look deeply into your eyes and reflect back what you already know:

YOU CAN DO THIS.